Five Limericks Your Uterus Only Recites After Her Second Glass of Chardonnay

by a contributor

from Alexis Larkin, author of A Message from Your Womb:


There once was a man from Eatontown
Who ate his meals with a hound dog frown.
With each mouthful he groaned
Until his poor wife moaned:
If it’s that bad, you can Eatontown!

No, I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m fine. Here’s another.

There once was a lady from Hardwick
Who needed to be lit up right quick.
She found a small candle,
Not too fun to handle,
But at least it had a nice Hardwick.

I’m not . . . they’re not funny if I explain them.

There once was a lass from Hackensack
Who fell hard for a guy named Big Mac.
When he didn’t feel well,
She said, oh what the hell
As long as you do not Hackensack.

Is anyone else hot in here? I mean, it’s hot right?

There once was a gal from Ho-Ho-Kus
Whose evening stroll caused a ruckus.
Asked why do the night crawl
If it makes us all bawl?
Her profound response: a Ho-Ho-Kus.

Wait was that one a limerick? Hold on, hold on, hold on, I got one.

There once was a real cad from Haysworth
Who just thought of merry, fun, and mirth.
Soon enough he will learn:
Nine months on a wee bairn
Costs more than a roll in the Haysworth.

I think it is time to go home now.