5 Most Useful Lessons Learned in College
by a contributor
from JJ Lynne, author of Vacancy and Before I Have Kids:
- Set your priorities in order. I learned this when my professor of British Literature said, “There are three photos in my office. One is of my wife, two are of Virginia Woolf.”
- Avoid distraction. On the first day of Italian I the professor announced that he threw his television out the window and it was the best thing he had ever done for himself. I retained this fact rather than the verb recitations that followed.
- Do not become a doormat. Mid-semester 90% of the class stopped doing the reading and adopted blank stares as responses to the poetry professor’s discussions. He said “fuck this” and walked out, like a father abandoning his ungrateful children.
- Rhyming does not equal poetry. When a classmate resigns himself to using the word “cunnilingus” because it is the best he can find to complement “fungus,” the writing strategy needs to be reevaluated.
- All work and no play makes JJ a dull girl. When Esther Greenwood from Plath’s The Bell Jar starts to sound logical and eerily sympathetic, it’s time to take a break from the pressure and enjoy the lunar eclipse or the swaying hips of the beautiful boy beside you.